LIVING SINGLE…Identifying the WHY???



Today, I tackle the totality of my existence. I address the beginning of my journey. I go back to the root of my seeking salvation, where I engaged in my hardest failures, and where God is allowing my greatest victories through my faith in Him. Yes, I am referring to the single life. Being single is the catalyst for my ministry in the Lord. The journeys I have traveled in this single life alone are book worthy. (And trust me it is currently being written…LOL)

I have found that everyone in this life has an area God has to do His greatest work in. Some people struggle with finances in the world…either the lack of, the love for, or the misappropriation of it. Others find themselves struggling with family issues, such as, mom and dad, sisters and brothers, cousins and other relatives. Then you have those that have education problems, friendship situations, drug and or sex addictions and many other things. But as for me….Lord help me, I have struggled in relationships!!!!  I accepted all types of relationships constantly seeking the love I so willingly gave. This affected most in my love life….

Was I brought up without a father, and seeking love and approval? No

Was I desperate? No

Was I lonely? No

Did I need financial security? No

Did I need validation for who I was? No

But I was a naïve young girl who watched my parents have a long lasting relationship and wanted the same for myself. I was a girl that grew up unable to be around my extended family and wanted to have my own. I valued relationships and friendships in a way others surrounding me didn’t. Problem….God was NO WHERE in the equation. And, I had no concept of what it truly meant biblically to be in a relationship. Or what it meant to be single….After the last disaster of a relationship, I realized I had to become a whole woman SINGLE before I could walk out my destiny as a married woman. I had to learn from the Word of God my role as a woman. I am not talking about the distorted roles society and social media have ruined and tainted for all of us. I’m talking about the truth. I had to learn, so I could be free to love God’s way. (Ref John 8:32) God had to uproot everything I had planted in my life, in order for the correct foundation to be laid. This was a long, painful process, but it was needed.

Now just for some background: God had to show me I entered in relationships wanting to help and take care of people… Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong!! Because I had not submitted to God, the devil had an open door. Most people used my kindness for selfish gain. I attracted people who allowed me to control them and the relationship, but only to manipulate me and get what they needed. I ended up financially taking care of people and that was completely out of order, but I didn’t know that then. I became extremely independent and dominate to compensate for being used!!! A downward spiral…

First thing you have to do is identify why you are single and become content with it. (Ref Philippians 4:11-12) Look at all you relationships. What is the common denominator? Do you like to control? Were you controlled? Abused (physically mentally or spiritually)? Were u an abuser? Were you the caretaker or did you seek security, to be taken care of? What were your motives when you entered in the relationship? These are the questions you have to be honest in answering yourself, so God can start the process of working on your heart. Take some time reviewing this. Some of us may have a long list. Others it won’t take long, but this has to be done. Look at all the failed relationships and find its root!!! Make sure that you are praying and asking God to reveal these things, don’t try to go by what you think. Look for the truth!!!

You can never move forward until you understand where you have been, become content in where you are, and continuously keep faith and have a vision about where God is taking you. He never gives us the full understanding, but He gives us bits and pieces to hold on to. Stop moving from relationship to relationship. Get with God and start working on YOU….

After I made this discovery, and after seeking God with my whole heart, I realized I didn’t want a relationship right now. I wanted to become the woman God had designed me to be, so my future husband could find and pursue me. I realized I needed to set standards because I was an heir, a daughter of the king, and I needed a king to share my life with. You cannot have a king until you have submitted to THE KING!!!. When you are single, your job is to care for things of the Lord.  (Ref 1 Corinthians 7:33-34)

So, I leave you with the assignment of identifying your path to singleness. And let’s be honest. Stop fooling yourself saying “I love the single life”, “I don’t need a man”…blahblahblah…lol..Now for some THIS IS TRUE, But for the majority of women, well, we were designed as the rib which means our body is out there somewhere searching for us… When we say we love the single life, usually we are crying out “We are tired of being hurt!!!” The closer you get to God, the more you desire a Godly relationship. And if you don’t, God does give peace about celibacy and singleness and there is definitely nothing wrong with that. (Notice, I did say celibacy…if you don’t want a Godly covenant with a man which is marriage then you shouldn’t be sleeping with ANYONE. God designed us be with ONE man, and we need to prepare ourselves for that ONE)

Identify the Why… And start the path of living….Once you discover Why you are at this place in life you can begin ENJOYING this place!!!

Please read the following scriptures and study the Word of God on your own. A relationship with God is a personal one, and when you study the Word for yourself, you will find God opening up your eyes and ears to see and hear revelation like never before. I can only give you my experiences and lessons I have learned. You must seek and know Him for yourself!!!!!!

Scriptures used in this post:

John 8:32

Philippians 4:11-12

1 Corinthians 7:33-34





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