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Life Lessons from a Single Parent

 

LL PROTECT

I have been a single parent for almost 18 years and I cannot say they have been easy years. Things became a lot more understandable when I gave my life to Christ, but before then, I was doing things as I had learned. There was absolutely Nothing wrong with that. I had great childhood due to being a military brat. But I also come from a two parent home. I had to adjust some things to fit me and my household and the way the Word told me to handle things.

 

Lessons from a Single Parent are things that I learned from this bumpy ride. Many things I will write are biblical principles and some things I learned from working with youth. (I have been doing that for over 15 years, from Boys and Girls Club to working with juveniles that have been adjudicated) So do I have experience with children…

 

Today, I just want to say as single parents, we have to protect our children. Should all children be protected..uuhhh, YEEESSSSS!!! The reason this is a big deal for single parents is because a lot of times we need breaks and are exhausted from having to be all things to all people!!! For this reason, we sometimes leave our children in situations that aren’t the best for them, just so we can have a break.  WE end up getting the break we need, only to subject our babies to something that may take years for them to get over (if they ever do). From the beginning when Adam and Eve fell, God cursed the serpent saying there would be enmity between him and the women and her seed and his seed (Ref Gen 3:15) So the devil is already after women and children. And who are the victims of most crimes..WOMEN and CHILDREN!!! We have to be more careful who we leave them with, and what we allow them to watch. This may seem a little over protective to some, but I am speaking of younger children. When you make strong decisions for them when they are young, they will learn to do it for themselves as they get older. Train a child the way they should go, right?

train-up-a-child

So here are a few tips:

  • Surround yourself with people who believe like you do. I am a Christian, so I would choose to leave my children with someone who follows the same biblical principles I do. If you don’t drink or smoke, why leave your children with those who do and open them up to different vices. Now I know many would say, they have to learn about that stuff its life…. TRUE…so teach them yourself in a safe environment. I did not always do this, and trust me there are still some things I am having to undo…
  • Don’t let the internet or television baby sit your children. This is so self-explanatory. It’s easy to do, but now a days, kids are more tech savvy than most adults and there is no telling what they will see and/or act on. There are too many predators hoping we open this door for them, so shut it down. Keep all computers in open areas. Keep TV watching to a minimum. ( shouldn’t  be too hard with school starting back )
  • Remember, you had them. It was your choice, so put them first. This may seems hard to do, but when you are parenting, your life is not your own anymore. The Lord saw fit to bless you, regardless of how you became a parent, so do the best you can!!!! I use to say that “If my children can’t go with me, it’s not a place I need to be” and I stuck with that. I have an extremely close bond with my children and as teenagers, they value my opinion because I have earned their respect. This didn’t come overnight, but it is possible.

So today, let us try to do things a little different and watch God bring results!

TRUST GOD IN ALL YOU DO!!!

PHIL 4:13

~ASB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LIVING SINGLE…..ACCEPTING IT

singlecalling

We have to truly be honest with ourselves. Living the single life is not always a choice, but if you are like me, you have graciously accepted the challenge. In today’s society, we are bombarded with images regarding relationships, togetherness, and partnership. It’s as though being single says something about us personally. Like we CAN’T find anyone to be with….. NOT THE CASE…. But, this walk can be extremely lonely and painful. It’s not easy, but it is needed.  Most of the time, we choose to live this single lifestyle because relationships gave us continuous disappointments and let downs. (See previous blog Living Single…Identifying the Why) Although, you may not WANT to stay single, you are. Once you have come to terms on why you are single, you have to accept the role.

Make up your Mind

The worse mind set to have with ANY decision is to not have a definite stance. There is always a reason why God allows things to happen and it always works out for our benefit. (Romans 8:28) With God in control, we know this is best for us, but we may still have doubts we want this life. Someone who does this finds themselves still calling and looking for dates. Or still flirts constantly… Or still gets upset when they see other couples…You say your single, but you still want a relationship in your heart. And your actions show it. You have to accept in your heart where you are. Proverbs 23:7 KJV says “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”. That means although you say you’re single, you still want a relationship in your heart, and your behavior reflects that. This will cause unnecessary confusion in your life and it will cause you to be double minded in your single walk. “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8)

Understand you are in a great place, a place of training

Clearly, God is doing a work in you. This is the best position to be in!!! He wants you all to Himself. So give Him you!! Read 1 Corinthians 7:32-34.  It talks about those that are unmarried caring for the things of the Lord. When you are married, your spouse is your priority, your main focus. So during this period of singleness, cater to God. You have so much time for prayer, worship, your Word, and ministry. You have the potential to have the strongest relationship with your Lord and Savior. Doing everything as “unto the Lord, not unto man” (Ref Colossians 3:23). How can you meet the needs of another individual, if you can’t be faithful to the one who gave His life for you to live!!! That’s saying A LOT, isn’t it!! This is a place of training for you. Learn all you can about yourself, so you can be the best possible person in a relationship. In this place, you can learn total dependence on God, and this will help you from entering into a relationship and allowing a person to be your god or idol. Your anointing will be greater. Your gifts will be greater. When you abide and rest in Christ, nothing goes lacking. Fall in love with Christ and be at peace with Him and Him alone. You may be lonely for natural companionship, but you will NEVER BE ALONE. God can fill any void in our hearts. How do you get close to God through Christ? Simple:

Read His Word (the Bible)

Worship Him

Pray to Him constantly

Praise Him daily

Fast  (deny yourself food and/or other natural pleasures while you focus solely on Him)

Surround yourself with help

Your Help…These are the strong people that will keep you focused and on task. Not the people that will pressure you to step outside of the single cocoon to soon…the people who understand why you don’t want to go out. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to study and read the Word of God…People who aren’t always trying to set you up. People who can be an ear to listen when you’re tired of being single (let’s not fool ourselves, it does happen) but they have enough wisdom to help you stand in it. Have people in your corner that have had to wait on God before. Don’t hang around only single women either. Have some GODLY HAPPILY married people in your circle that can sow into you and give you hope regarding what your striving for….Uhhh…notice, I did say “GODLY HAPPILY married”…(Avoid those people that aren’t doing well in the marriage department and they spend more time trying to get you away from marriage, than they do working on theirs) Proverbs 11:14

Stay Encouraged!

There is peace and purpose in where you are. ACCEPT IT!!If you eventually want a relationship, I believe God has one for you. If your desire is to be married, I believe God will honor that. He did not create us to be alone. He gave Adam a helpmeet because He said it wasn’t good for man to be alone (Ref Gen 2:18). But God does things in order. I have faith that once we accept where we are, and put Him first, He will give us the desires we seek. (Ref Matthew 6:33)

 

BE ENCOURAGED, BE FOCUSED AND BE MADE WHOLE – ASB

 

*** Please read the following scriptures and study the Word of God on your own. A relationship with God is a personal one, and when you study the Word for yourself, you will find God opening up your eyes and ears to see and hear revelation like never before. I can only give you my experiences and lessons I have learned. You must seek and know Him for yourself!!!!!!

Scriptures used in this post:

Romans 8:28

Proverbs 23:7

James 8:1

1 Corinthians 7:32-34

Colossians 3:23

Proverbs 11:14

Genesis 2:18

Matthew 6:33

***REMEMBER….If you would like to give your life to Christ for Him to be your personal Lord and Savior, please do not hesitate to do so. Find a spiritual advisor/mentor/Pastor or just a friend that you know has a personal relationship with Christ and have them pray for and with you regarding giving your life to Christ and receiving salvation through Him. If none of those are available to you (you can also contact me via email), you can pray earnestly to God where you are now, with a heart to change your ways and live for Him, and I believe He will hear and receive you as His own!!!(also allow and trust God to lead you to a loving, Bible teaching church, so you can be taught, healed, delivered and properly loved on through your walk

 

I’M READY TO B.M.W!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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HELLO ALL and WELCOME!!! My name is Alease Shante’ Bigby. I was born into this world 36 yrs ago in Birmingham, AL. Being a military brat, my travels and experiences have stretched over many cities, states and countries. I have Associate degrees in Law/Pre Law and Criminal Justice. I have received my Bachelor’s in Justice Studies with a minor in Behavioral Science. I am blessed to be a single mother of two, and have experienced so many things in my short time here. But the true journey of my life did not begin until I made the decision to live for Christ in the summer of 2002. Acknowledging that He was my Savior, Lord and King was the best path I have chosen for my life. Armed with the Word (the Holy Bible) as my guide, I made a strong attempt at living a Christian life.

In 2005 I received a call to minister and in 2007 I was licensed as a minister of the Gospel… NEEDLESS TO SAY, I STRUGGLED!!! LOL…. Where was this peace and joy I heard so much about? Why did it seem as if my troubles doubled? Why were there no examples in MY life that I could follow? Why did the people IN the CHURCH seem even more judgmental than the people IN the WORLD? Where is the fulfilling life I was reading about in the Word of God? The life I was destined to live IN Christ!! I didn’t feel WHOLE!!! I WANTED MORE!!! I had more questions than I had answers. I received revelation to write this blog after many conversations with friends, co-workers, fellow church members, and a variety of different people that I have encountered. It seemed I wasn’t the only one who started my Christian walk with so many questions, and many are still looking for answers. It seemed as if everyone was broken in some area and was looking to be made whole.

After MANY failures, mistakes, trials, and tribulations I am going forth in what God has instructed me to do. I am not a theologian and I am not an experienced blogger, just a woman of God who loves Him and wants everyone to experience the love He has for us.

I will blog about being a whole person in every area of your life IN CHRIST!!! That includes being a single mom, raising teens in these times, the daily battle of dying to who you are and becoming the person God created you to be waiting, finding your husband/mate….WHEW!!! I have alot to share….basically a peek into the window of my heart for God and how He can truly transform your life and renew your situations!!!

 

1 Thessalonians 5:23

And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly, and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.