Be Restored, Confirmed, Strengthened, and Established!
Healing is attached to wholeness! You have to heal from the scars of past tribulations in order transition into your destiny! But let’s look at things a little different on this morning….
From now on, let’s not push and strive to become who we think we need to be…
Let us get rid of, or die to, all the things this world has added to our personalities that isn’t Really us! God knew us in the womb (Ref Isaiah 44:2) and He creates GOOD THINGS! Strive to be that “good thing” He originally created!!!
Let go of anything, anyone and any mindset not like Christ…allow healing to form in You..
Be ENCOURAGED, Be BLESSED & Be MADE WHOLE ~ASB
We have to truly be honest with ourselves. Living the single life is not always a choice, but if you are like me, you have graciously accepted the challenge. In today’s society, we are bombarded with images regarding relationships, togetherness, and partnership. It’s as though being single says something about us personally. Like we CAN’T find anyone to be with….. NOT THE CASE…. But, this walk can be extremely lonely and painful. It’s not easy, but it is needed. Most of the time, we choose to live this single lifestyle because relationships gave us continuous disappointments and let downs. (See previous blog Living Single…Identifying the Why) Although, you may not WANT to stay single, you are. Once you have come to terms on why you are single, you have to accept the role.
Make up your Mind
The worse mind set to have with ANY decision is to not have a definite stance. There is always a reason why God allows things to happen and it always works out for our benefit. (Romans 8:28) With God in control, we know this is best for us, but we may still have doubts we want this life. Someone who does this finds themselves still calling and looking for dates. Or still flirts constantly… Or still gets upset when they see other couples…You say your single, but you still want a relationship in your heart. And your actions show it. You have to accept in your heart where you are. Proverbs 23:7 KJV says “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”. That means although you say you’re single, you still want a relationship in your heart, and your behavior reflects that. This will cause unnecessary confusion in your life and it will cause you to be double minded in your single walk. “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8)
Understand you are in a great place, a place of training
Clearly, God is doing a work in you. This is the best position to be in!!! He wants you all to Himself. So give Him you!! Read 1 Corinthians 7:32-34. It talks about those that are unmarried caring for the things of the Lord. When you are married, your spouse is your priority, your main focus. So during this period of singleness, cater to God. You have so much time for prayer, worship, your Word, and ministry. You have the potential to have the strongest relationship with your Lord and Savior. Doing everything as “unto the Lord, not unto man” (Ref Colossians 3:23). How can you meet the needs of another individual, if you can’t be faithful to the one who gave His life for you to live!!! That’s saying A LOT, isn’t it!! This is a place of training for you. Learn all you can about yourself, so you can be the best possible person in a relationship. In this place, you can learn total dependence on God, and this will help you from entering into a relationship and allowing a person to be your god or idol. Your anointing will be greater. Your gifts will be greater. When you abide and rest in Christ, nothing goes lacking. Fall in love with Christ and be at peace with Him and Him alone. You may be lonely for natural companionship, but you will NEVER BE ALONE. God can fill any void in our hearts. How do you get close to God through Christ? Simple:
Read His Word (the Bible)
Pray to Him constantly
Praise Him daily
Fast (deny yourself food and/or other natural pleasures while you focus solely on Him)
Surround yourself with help
Your Help…These are the strong people that will keep you focused and on task. Not the people that will pressure you to step outside of the single cocoon to soon…the people who understand why you don’t want to go out. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to study and read the Word of God…People who aren’t always trying to set you up. People who can be an ear to listen when you’re tired of being single (let’s not fool ourselves, it does happen) but they have enough wisdom to help you stand in it. Have people in your corner that have had to wait on God before. Don’t hang around only single women either. Have some GODLY HAPPILY married people in your circle that can sow into you and give you hope regarding what your striving for….Uhhh…notice, I did say “GODLY HAPPILY married”…(Avoid those people that aren’t doing well in the marriage department and they spend more time trying to get you away from marriage, than they do working on theirs) Proverbs 11:14
There is peace and purpose in where you are. ACCEPT IT!!If you eventually want a relationship, I believe God has one for you. If your desire is to be married, I believe God will honor that. He did not create us to be alone. He gave Adam a helpmeet because He said it wasn’t good for man to be alone (Ref Gen 2:18). But God does things in order. I have faith that once we accept where we are, and put Him first, He will give us the desires we seek. (Ref Matthew 6:33)
BE ENCOURAGED, BE FOCUSED AND BE MADE WHOLE – ASB
*** Please read the following scriptures and study the Word of God on your own. A relationship with God is a personal one, and when you study the Word for yourself, you will find God opening up your eyes and ears to see and hear revelation like never before. I can only give you my experiences and lessons I have learned. You must seek and know Him for yourself!!!!!!
Scriptures used in this post:
1 Corinthians 7:32-34
***REMEMBER….If you would like to give your life to Christ for Him to be your personal Lord and Savior, please do not hesitate to do so. Find a spiritual advisor/mentor/Pastor or just a friend that you know has a personal relationship with Christ and have them pray for and with you regarding giving your life to Christ and receiving salvation through Him. If none of those are available to you (you can also contact me via email), you can pray earnestly to God where you are now, with a heart to change your ways and live for Him, and I believe He will hear and receive you as His own!!!(also allow and trust God to lead you to a loving, Bible teaching church, so you can be taught, healed, delivered and properly loved on through your walk
Today, I tackle the totality of my existence. I address the beginning of my journey. I go back to the root of my seeking salvation, where I engaged in my hardest failures, and where God is allowing my greatest victories through my faith in Him. Yes, I am referring to the single life. Being single is the catalyst for my ministry in the Lord. The journeys I have traveled in this single life alone are book worthy. (And trust me it is currently being written…LOL)
I have found that everyone in this life has an area God has to do His greatest work in. Some people struggle with finances in the world…either the lack of, the love for, or the misappropriation of it. Others find themselves struggling with family issues, such as, mom and dad, sisters and brothers, cousins and other relatives. Then you have those that have education problems, friendship situations, drug and or sex addictions and many other things. But as for me….Lord help me, I have struggled in relationships!!!! I accepted all types of relationships constantly seeking the love I so willingly gave. This affected most in my love life….
Was I brought up without a father, and seeking love and approval? No
Was I desperate? No
Was I lonely? No
Did I need financial security? No
Did I need validation for who I was? No
But I was a naïve young girl who watched my parents have a long lasting relationship and wanted the same for myself. I was a girl that grew up unable to be around my extended family and wanted to have my own. I valued relationships and friendships in a way others surrounding me didn’t. Problem….God was NO WHERE in the equation. And, I had no concept of what it truly meant biblically to be in a relationship. Or what it meant to be single….After the last disaster of a relationship, I realized I had to become a whole woman SINGLE before I could walk out my destiny as a married woman. I had to learn from the Word of God my role as a woman. I am not talking about the distorted roles society and social media have ruined and tainted for all of us. I’m talking about the truth. I had to learn, so I could be free to love God’s way. (Ref John 8:32) God had to uproot everything I had planted in my life, in order for the correct foundation to be laid. This was a long, painful process, but it was needed.
Now just for some background: God had to show me I entered in relationships wanting to help and take care of people… Nothing wrong with that, right? Wrong!! Because I had not submitted to God, the devil had an open door. Most people used my kindness for selfish gain. I attracted people who allowed me to control them and the relationship, but only to manipulate me and get what they needed. I ended up financially taking care of people and that was completely out of order, but I didn’t know that then. I became extremely independent and dominate to compensate for being used!!! A downward spiral…
First thing you have to do is identify why you are single and become content with it. (Ref Philippians 4:11-12) Look at all you relationships. What is the common denominator? Do you like to control? Were you controlled? Abused (physically mentally or spiritually)? Were u an abuser? Were you the caretaker or did you seek security, to be taken care of? What were your motives when you entered in the relationship? These are the questions you have to be honest in answering yourself, so God can start the process of working on your heart. Take some time reviewing this. Some of us may have a long list. Others it won’t take long, but this has to be done. Look at all the failed relationships and find its root!!! Make sure that you are praying and asking God to reveal these things, don’t try to go by what you think. Look for the truth!!!
You can never move forward until you understand where you have been, become content in where you are, and continuously keep faith and have a vision about where God is taking you. He never gives us the full understanding, but He gives us bits and pieces to hold on to. Stop moving from relationship to relationship. Get with God and start working on YOU….
After I made this discovery, and after seeking God with my whole heart, I realized I didn’t want a relationship right now. I wanted to become the woman God had designed me to be, so my future husband could find and pursue me. I realized I needed to set standards because I was an heir, a daughter of the king, and I needed a king to share my life with. You cannot have a king until you have submitted to THE KING!!!. When you are single, your job is to care for things of the Lord. (Ref 1 Corinthians 7:33-34)
So, I leave you with the assignment of identifying your path to singleness. And let’s be honest. Stop fooling yourself saying “I love the single life”, “I don’t need a man”…blahblahblah…lol..Now for some THIS IS TRUE, But for the majority of women, well, we were designed as the rib which means our body is out there somewhere searching for us… When we say we love the single life, usually we are crying out “We are tired of being hurt!!!” The closer you get to God, the more you desire a Godly relationship. And if you don’t, God does give peace about celibacy and singleness and there is definitely nothing wrong with that. (Notice, I did say celibacy…if you don’t want a Godly covenant with a man which is marriage then you shouldn’t be sleeping with ANYONE. God designed us be with ONE man, and we need to prepare ourselves for that ONE)
Identify the Why… And start the path of living….Once you discover Why you are at this place in life you can begin ENJOYING this place!!!
Please read the following scriptures and study the Word of God on your own. A relationship with God is a personal one, and when you study the Word for yourself, you will find God opening up your eyes and ears to see and hear revelation like never before. I can only give you my experiences and lessons I have learned. You must seek and know Him for yourself!!!!!!
Scriptures used in this post:
1 Corinthians 7:33-34
BE ENCOURAGED ALL!!!! -ASB
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